Voyeur and Exhibitionist

 

Voyeur:  1) A person who dervies sexual gratification from observing naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point. 2) An obsessive observer of sordid or sensual objects.

Exhibitionism:  1) The act or practice of deliberately behaving so as to attract attention. 2) psychiatric:  the deliberate act of exposing ones genitals to the public

I had an epiphany the other day.  I was cruising through my emails and was looking at all of the blogs that I have delivered there daily.  All of the blogs are well written, sometimes funny, sometimes touching.  I love to read them and get a sneak peek into someone else’s life.  To hear about their thoughts an their ideas and what has happened to them since the last post.

I am a voyeur.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to see them have sex, or read about that (although there are a couple of blogs that deal with that that I enjoy), but I enjoy reading what they have to say.  I want to hear about how their relationships are going, how they are handling the ups and downs of their lives.  I like to see if I can relate to what they are going through.

Facebook offered us a little of that, but the status updates aren’t enough to assuage my voyeuristic tendencies.  And, because Facebook is so public, and the anonymity is pretty much nil, people don’t post their innermost thoughts, dreams and wishes to FB.

But with a blog, where anonymity is sometimes the point, we feel like we can treat it like an on-line diary.

I love that.

Realistic or not, reading these blogs makes me feel like I’m having a glass of wine with a group of friends and covering a wide range of topics with very smart people who always have something interesting to say.

Which brings me to my next epiphany.

I am an exhibitionist, as we are all.

I love having people comment on my blogs.  Even when I was going through some really crappy times, times that a generation ago would have been kept secret at all costs, I loved knowing that I connected with someone on an emotional level.  I loved knowing that there were other people out there that could totally relate to where I was a few months ago and that they care enough to continue reading what I write.

I love throwing my life out there for general consumption.  And that totally makes me an exhibitionist.

The genital baring, that’s not really me.  But if words were genitals, I guess I’m covered :)

I never did understand the appeal of keeping a diary.  I never did as a little girl.  I had lots and lots of thoughts, but I would just hang onto them becausee writing them all out, when my hand couldn’t keep up with my mind, just seemed like a chore to me.  I tried to keep a journal when I was older, but the same thing happened.

Then I discovered blogging.

Yes, I treat this as my on-line diary.  It may not be filled with profound thoughts and I’m pretty sure that no one will read this in one hundred years and think that I was some kind of amazing person, which is fine.

Why do I write?  I keep writing because I enjoy it.  I love chronicling my life here.  I hope that people read it and realize that whatever life throws at you, you can overcome.  I write because I like to think that folks enjoy what I do put here on the internet.

I write because I want to.

Yes, I am a voyeur and an exhibitionist.

And,  like so many other things in my life, I’m okay with that.

However, if you do see me in a public square baring my vajayjay to the world, please do an intervention.

I thank you in advance. :)

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